Ain’t language wonderful?

When we were cute little smart-aleck boys barely old enough for school, we used to enjoy saying “I ain’t gonna say ain’t no more, cuz ain’t ain’t a word in the dictionary.  Ain’t that great?” The word ain’t may or may not actually be in the dictionary, but I do know...

I just can’t do it.

I used to be thinner.  In fact, there was a time when I was downright skinny.  I didn’t have a washboard stomach, but I had speed bump ribs.  And I desperately wanted to be good at sports.  There was an irrational hope in me, that probably still hasn’t completely gone...

I didn’t do it.

I like comics and written cartoons.  I like funny papers and serials and editorial cartoons.  A lot of what I like are multi-panel strips, some with long-running stories.  But I also like one-panel stand-alone cartoons.  One of my all time favorites was published...

I had a kink in my neck.

When I was a little boy, I fell down a lot.  I had a healthy sense of adventure and exploration, but not much sense of balance and almost no muscular coordination.  My first stitches came when I fell off the monkey bars at the playground, split open my chin, nearly...

Off With Their Heads

The Porch Swing is near the greatest collection of amusement parks in the world.  And it had been about 20 years since I’d been to the father of them all.  So, recently Mrs. Swing and I found ourselves wandering through Frontier Land and came upon people taking...

Size Matters

So some people say.  Others say different.  It would be fairly easy to fill up a page discussing the relative merits of big vs. small and short vs. tall.  But that’s too easy, although I must admit almost irresistible.  After all, my 5 ‘2” wife has a t-shirt that says...

DON’T DO THAT!

Only a fool would intentionally smear HazMat on their skin, right?  Only someone with serious emotional issues would, on purpose, squirt HazMat on her/his body, right?  Um, no.  Not right. To reduce the risk of spreading or getting infections, many people smear their...

I’ve got some chemistry

It only took me about 19 years to finish college.  Surprisingly, I did take some courses in most of those years.  I’d enroll, go awhile, and then take some time off.  I’d finish a class or two, drop a class or two, or even just not finish without dropping out.  That...

My children have this look

My children have this look.  It involves cocking the head just a bit to the side, squinting the eyes slightly, and seemingly saying to themselves “he has spent most of his life in the past century”.  I can earn this look by coming out with some old saying they’ve...